Forget about the horror of being alone and middle-aged — there is nothing more terrifying to a patriarchal society than a woman who is free. That she might be having a better time without permission or supervision is downright insufferable.
I've been warned about the invisibility that comes with being a middle-aged woman for about as long as I've understood the concept of middle age. You reach a certain point (you become a woman of a certain age), and you seemingly cease to exist. Not only will men stop noticing you (the worst thing that could happen to you, I was assured), but so will waiters and taxi drivers and sales shop assistants. You become a nonperson. This has not been my experience. To put it mildly. As I approach my 50th birthday this summer, I am experiencing the exact opposite. I've never felt more visible, more attractive, more powerful. The sex is better (and more frequent, if I'm being honest), the friendships are deeper, and life is more exciting and satisfying than it's ever been. The narratives we have around women's lives have never served me — or most women, I would argue — all that well. Still, it was a bit of a shock to find myself, deep into my 40s, single and childless and having such a good time, even though research tells us that single women rate high in happiness polls. It has been stranger still to be experiencing it against the backdrop of so much awfulness in the world. It's a different sort of dissonance from the one that comes with living a life you rarely see reflected in culture. Yet as I write in my guest essay this week, the recent violent rollback of women's rights — from restrictions on abortion and birth control access to challenges against no-fault divorce — strikes me as directly connected to the reality that women are doing just fine on their own. In fact, our enjoyment of our main-character energy, as the kids say, might be a bit too visible.
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Saturday, May 25, 2024
Opinion Today: Why society fears women like me
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