I was nearly nine months pregnant with my third son when the #MeToo movement exploded: Women had wrested control of the cultural conversation and my feminist self was thrilled with this new expression and clarity. But as a mother of boys I felt frightened, conflicted and protective. In addition to raising my own sons, I have spent the past three years talking to boys from all over America as research for my new book, "Boymom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity." They are part of the micro-generation that hit puberty right as #MeToo was taking off, and their entire adolescence has played out in the shadow of a wider cultural reckoning with toxic masculinity. When I talked to these boys, many of them felt that they were trapped between two opposing sets of impossible expectations. On one hand, the old rules and social prohibitions of masculinity were still very much in circulation — the world still told them that they had to be tough and emotionally stoic and never share their feelings or vulnerabilities, which made it hard to form deep, connected relationships. But in the grip of the culture wars they felt new pressures, too. For every right-wing tough guy urging them to "man up" and stifle their emotions, there was now a voice from the left telling them that to express their feelings was to take attention from a woman or someone else more marginalized, and that they should pipe down. Many of these boys felt they were being silenced from all sides, and it was leaving them politically isolated and emotionally adrift. As I explore in my recent essay for Times Opinion, the conditions of modern boyhood have created a perfect recipe for loneliness. But there is a better path possible for the next generation of boys, if we can muster the imagination and emotional generosity to create it.
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Saturday, June 8, 2024
Opinion Today: Why boys today struggle with human connection
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