Opinion Today: How to live with regret

"No regrets," sounds nice, but is it real? Would we even want it to be?

View in browser|nytimes.com August 8, 2024 By Cornelia Channing Opinion Editorial Assistant "No regrets." That is a saying you hear a lot these days. It's on T-shirts and bumper stickers. It's in Instagram bios and pop songs. It is tattooed on forearms and emblazoned on the covers of self-help books. At first glance, it seems like a pretty straightforward bit of wisdom. After all, regret is a dirty word. It suggests a dark, anxious way of looking at the world and calls to mind sleepless nights spent stewing over past mistakes. Who wants to live that way? Wouldn't it be better, and healthier, to simply move on? No regrets. It's a nice idea. But is it real? Does anyone actually live a life completely free from regret? Who among us hasn't spent at least one fitful night thinking over something we said or did that we wish we could take back — a cruel comment made in a moment of anger, the not-so-white lie we told our partner, the knee-jerk decision to quit a job or end a friendship. Eventually, we push these thoughts out of our minds and drift off to sleep. But perhaps we shouldn't discard them so quickly. Perhaps regret could teach us something. In his book "The Power of Regret" the writer Daniel Pink argues that regret is an unavoidable fact of life and that it should not be thought of as something negative and shameful, but rather embraced as something helpful and instructive. What we regret, he says, can teach us about who we are. It helps to reveal what we want, what we fear, what truly matters to us and what doesn't. It is an emotion that can help us tune our moral compasses, strengthen our values and keep us from repeating the same mistakes over and over again. In an effort to better understand the nature of regret, and the role it plays in all our lives, Times Opinion is starting "How to Live With Regret," a new series of personal essays in which writers grapple with regrets of all kinds. In our first installment, the writer Miguel Macias discusses the complicated feelings of regret he has around having a child. In future essays, writers will dig into their feelings around choices ranging from picking up a gun for the first time to bullying a younger sibling to signing up for email. The hope is that this series will help illuminate an uncomfortable and under-discussed subject and lead the way to more positive conversations about regret. "Done right," Mr. Pink writes, regret "needn't drag us down; it can lift us up." Read the first essay: Kristina Tzekova Guest Essay The Emotion I Didn't Expect as a New Parent: Regret A new father reflects on the feelings of regret he has around becoming a parent. By Miguel Macias Here's what we're focusing on today: Editors' Picks Guest Essay Would You Kill 500,000 Owls to Save Some Others? We need new laws to protect important ecosystems. By Avram Hiller, Jay Odenbaugh and Yasha Rohwer More From Opinion Pamela Paul Judge Kamala Harris on the Merits — Not Which Box She Checks Stop all the talk of breaking barriers and glass ceilings. By Pamela Paul Guest Essay Heat Waves and Droughts Are a Bonanza for Junk Food Companies Ultraprocessed food companies are taking advantage of worsening environmental conditions to increase their profits. By Lindsey Smith Taillie Guest Essay How to Avoid Another Recession The Fed should preserve its option to pivot as new developments arise. By Gabriel Chodorow-Reich What Do Uncommitted Voters Want From Kamala Harris? The antiwar movement has emerged as a real political force. By Isaac Scher Charles M. Blow Harris, Walz and Democrats' Joyful Campaign This election has become a contest between Harris's high spirits and Trump's dark vision. By Charles M. Blow Jessica Grose Are We Happy Yet? The American obsession with individually defining, tracking and boosting happiness may be making us miserable. By Jessica Grose Trump's Pandering Plan to Stop Taxing Social Security Won't Work It benefits the well-off and would threaten everyone's benefits. By Peter Coy The Opinions Why Toxic Opinions Can Be Appealing to Young Men And what to do about it. 8 MIN LISTEN Guest Essay The Stock Market Drama Was a Toddler Tantrum Watch the financial markets, but keep your eye on the hard economic numbers, too. By Justin Wolfers David Wallace-Wells We're Applying Lessons From Covid to Bird Flu. That's Not Good. America has learned all the wrong lessons from the pandemic. By David Wallace-Wells Erin Schaff/The New York Times letters Tim Walz Steps Into the Spotlight He "has the values and the integrity to make us proud," a reader writes. Also: Trump and Venezuela; the child tax credit; suffering farm animals; baseball caps. We hope you've enjoyed this newsletter, which is made possible through subscriber support. Subscribe to The New York Times. Games Here are today's Mini Crossword, Wordle and Spelling Bee. If you're in the mood to play more, find all our games here. Forward this newsletter to friends to share ideas and perspectives that will help inform their lives. They can sign up here. Do you have feedback? Email us at opiniontoday@nytimes.com. If you have questions about your Times account, delivery problems or other issues, visit our Help Page or contact The Times. Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for the Opinion Today newsletter from The New York Times. To stop receiving Opinion Today, unsubscribe. To opt out of other promotional emails from The Times, including those regarding The Athletic, manage your email settings. To opt out of updates and offers sent from The Athletic, submit a request. Subscribe to The TimesGet The New York Times app Connect with us on: Change Your EmailPrivacy PolicyContact UsCalifornia Notices The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018