Monday, April 10, 2023

Opinion Today: The case for staying married to a spouse you can’t stand

It's worth looking closely at the ambivalent space between "happy" and "irreconcilable differences."
Author Headshot

By Susannah Meadows

Senior Staff Editor, Opinion

The writer Frimet Goldberger was five years into an arranged marriage when she and her husband left their Hasidic community in Kiryas Joel, N.Y., with two babies in tow. Though she and her husband were strangers when they married, they'd cultivated a measure of love and friendship by the time they moved. But such upheaval would be rough on any relationship.

Goldberger embraced her new freedom, while her husband resisted the rapid modernization she demanded of him. They fought viciously. Contempt set in. "Whatever love survived was overshadowed by bitter irritation and sometimes even hate," she writes in a fascinating guest essay.

This went on for a decade. But despite the enduring misery and the nights she lay awake thinking she deserved better, she didn't leave — and she's glad she didn't.

In her essay, Goldberger makes the case for staying married to a spouse you can't stand.

Not an easy task. It won't be the right approach for everyone, but she makes a compelling argument, offering a new way to think about marriage, a subject that so many of us are intimately familiar with and think we know plenty about.

How did she endure? How could she be glad? I'll let her tell you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ad

Here's what we're focusing on today:

More From Opinion

GUEST ESSAY

The One Thing Trump Has That DeSantis Never Will

The Florida governor's populism is heavy on cultural grievances and light on economic ones.

By Sam Adler-Bell

Article Image

THE CONVERSATION

Clarence Thomas Decided Against the Staycation

Meanwhile, Dobbs continues to shape the political landscape.

By Gail Collins and Bret Stephens

Article Image

GUEST ESSAY

How to Make Trump Go Away

It starts by having some humility and understanding his appeal.

By Frank Luntz

Article Image

GUEST ESSAY

The Abortion Pill Ruling Is Bad Law, and the Biden Administration Should Fight It

The opinion from a federal judge in Texas is a legal travesty.

By Kate Shaw

Article Image

GUEST ESSAY

I Worked at the F.D.A. The Abortion Pill Decision Is Dangerous.

The F.D.A. must be able to make decisions based on evidence.

By Joshua M. Sharfstein

Article Image

GUEST ESSAY

The Superyachts of Billionaires Are Starting to Look a Lot Like Theft

Even small victories against the carbon aristocracy challenge the standard narrative around climate change.

By Joe Fassler

Article Image

GUEST ESSAY

South Korea's Unhealthy Obsession With Japan

Fear of China is forcing South Korea to reassess its fraught relations with Japan.

By Se-Woong Koo

Article Image

ADVERTISEMENT

Ad

Subscribe Today

New York Times Opinion curates a wide range of views, inviting rich discussion and debate that help readers analyze the world. This work is made possible with the support of subscribers. Please consider subscribing to The Times with this special offer.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ad

Games Here are today's Mini Crossword, Wordle and Spelling Bee. If you're in the mood to play more, find all our games here.

Forward this newsletter to friends to share ideas and perspectives that will help inform their lives. They can sign up here. Do you have feedback? Email us at opiniontoday@nytimes.com.

If you have questions about your Times account, delivery problems or other issues, visit our Help Page or contact The Times.

Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance.

You received this email because you signed up for the Opinion Today newsletter from The New York Times.

To stop receiving Opinion Today, unsubscribe. To opt out of other promotional emails from The Times, manage your email preferences.

Subscribe to The Times

Connect with us on:

facebooktwitterinstagram

Change Your EmailPrivacy PolicyContact UsCalifornia Notices

LiveIntent LogoAdChoices Logo

The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018

No comments:

Post a Comment