Many people, women especially, have been encouraged to speak assertively. But there's more to the story.
Imagine telling your boss you want a raise. Do you declare your intention, lay out the argument and make the ask? |
Or do you apologize for interrupting, make a self-deprecating aside, tentatively float the idea and then check to make sure you haven't overstepped your bounds? That is an (exaggerated) example of what's sometimes described as weak language, and studies show women are much more likely to use it than men are. |
Women are also frequently chided for it, by well-meaning people who regard it as self-defeating. But in a Times Opinion guest essay this week, Adam Grant argues that weak language may be anything but. |
Grant, a renowned organizational psychologist, draws on evidence from dozens of studies, but many women intuitively understand the dynamics at work — and why this kind of subtle verbal signaling can, paradoxically, be a power move. |
Of course, the fact that women are often penalized for just coming out and advocating for themselves directly — and are left to develop these ingenious but, in the end, kind of exhausting rhetorical workarounds — is all further evidence that a double standard is still firmly in place. |
Read the essay to hear Grant's ideas on how to lessen that imbalance, then debate them in whatever verbal style works best for you. |
What our readers are saying |
I felt so validated by this article. I've attended so many feminist leadership and negotiation training courses where I was criticized for using weak or hedging language. But when I got back to my desk, I found that using strong language offended my peers (both men and women) and using weak language let me navigate relationships more smoothly and got me promoted more quickly. — H.W., New York City What the author misses is that it is exhausting to have to constantly tailor my communication style so as to not come across as aggressive or opinionated when talking to men. I am a woman working in a technical field, and on top of the extra effort spent in trying to communicate with intention, I also often find myself having to provide twice as much evidence to support any conclusions I might be putting forth. It is tiring and demoralizing. — Jackie B., Toronto I work in a lab setting as an engineer. I'm a woman, and every other engineer at the company is a man. I've always used this type of language to convey my opinions about an experiment but have been told by many boyfriends/brothers/male friends that I shouldn't hedge or say "I hope" and should just insist on my point of view until I convince them. This article supports my findings that their advice wouldn't work for me. I need to follow my instincts and read the room. I always thought that if I studied more and had more experience in the lab, this would change, but it hasn't, and I doubt it will. It's a deep conviction people hold about how the world works and how men and women should behave. — P.M., Colorado |
Here's what we're focusing on today: |
| On the Donald Trump Indictment | | | | |
Forward this newsletter to friends to share ideas and perspectives that will help inform their lives. They can sign up here. Do you have feedback? Email us at opiniontoday@nytimes.com. |
|
No comments:
Post a Comment