Opinion Today: What Mother’s Day means to the motherless

"The holiday doesn't make me mad anymore."

View in browser|nytimes.com Continue reading the main story May 7, 2022 "I've lost two mothers now, and I don't need reminders of what they left me: love and absence, good grief and bad grief, grief that holds you and grief that strangles you." — Stephanie Foo Hirotoshi Iwasaki By Stephanie Foo Mother's Day used to make me mad. Nothing personal, all you moms out there. The truth is, I was just jealous. As I wrote in a guest essay for Times Opinion this week, I had a pretty awful mother. She was abusive and made it very clear she did not love me before abandoning me when I was 13. And so on a day that celebrates the importance of a mother's love, I got resentful and bitter. So what? Moms are overrated! Who needs a mom, anyway? Well, as it turns out, me. A few years ago, I was eventually loved by a second mother, my mother-in-law. I didn't ask to be — was skeptical of her, in fact — but she embraced me from the moment she met me and just never let go. She was generous, forgiving, a hilariously savvy cheater at board games and an expert at unconditional love. She helped heal me. She told me, "I will never leave you." She was a treasure. My husband and I lost her to a painful disease in April of last year, so this will be only my second Mother's Day without her. But the holiday doesn't make me mad anymore. It's just plain sad. There's a purity to this grief, and a motivation: to mother the motherless like she did, to love others with abandon. This year our family is celebrating together by living her lessons. We'll spend time together, taking care of one another with generosity and kindness. And yes, we'll play some board games, too. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT READ STEPHANIE'S FULL ESSAY HERE Guest Essay I Cherish My Grief for the Mother I Never Expected to Have There is grief that strangles you and grief that holds you. By Stephanie Foo THE WEEK IN IDEAS Editors' Picks Steven Fraser Faces Are Important. But I Can't Recognize Them. What does it mean to live with prosopagnosia? An animator discloses the different ways he lives his life because he can't recognize faces. By Steven Fraser Eleanor Davis Jessica Grose I Just Want My Kid to Learn Algebra. Does That Make Me a Culture Warrior? Americans still underperform in math. That, not debates about testing and social emotional learning, should be our focus. By Jessica Grose Evan Cohen Guest Essay How to Pray to a God You Don't Believe In I like my religion inscrutable. By Scott Hershovitz Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT Subscribe Today New York Times Opinion curates a wide range of views, inviting rich discussion and debate that helps readers analyze the world. This work is made possible with the support of subscribers. Please consider subscribing to The Times with this special offer. Games Here is today's Mini Crossword and Spelling Bee. If you're in the mood to play more, find all our games here. Forward this newsletter to friends to share ideas and perspectives that will help inform their lives. They can sign up here. Do you have feedback? Email us at opiniontoday@nytimes.com. Continue reading the main story ADVERTISEMENT Contact us if you have questions about your Times account, delivery problems or other issues, visit our Help Page or contact The Times. Continue reading the main story Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance. You received this email because you signed up for the Opinion Today or Sunday Best newsletters from The New York Times. To stop receiving these emails, unsubscribe or manage your email preferences. Subscribe to The TimesGet The New York Times app Connect with us on: Change Your EmailPrivacy PolicyContact UsCalifornia Notices The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018