When did you realize you were lonely? On April 30, 2023, we asked you this question. Yes, you, the reader of this newsletter and of Times Opinion. We invited you to answer this question at the bottom of a guest essay by the surgeon general of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy. "At any moment, about one out of every two Americans is experiencing measurable levels of loneliness," Dr. Murthy wrote. "We need to acknowledge the loneliness and isolation that millions are experiencing and the grave consequences for our mental health, physical health and collective well-being." Acknowledge, you did. More than 1400 Times readers, ages 16 to 93, answered our call and opened up about their experiences with loneliness. Reading those submissions back-to-back is a harrowing experience I don't think I'll ever forget. I was traveling on assignment for an upcoming Opinion video that required a weeklong road trip. In the hours I had to kill in the car, I read and reflected on your submissions. Many were quite sad and yet poetic. "Loneliness is physical pain, felt down my back which travels to invade my heart. Society has changed for even the small moments that could make us less lonely: We no longer go to the movies as often because there are less movies to see. Self-check out means that we don't see the cashier who checks us out, food and grocery delivery makes us unlikely to bump into neighbors at the grocery store. When in a doctor's office everyone is glued to their phones instead of talking with others in the waiting room. People sit in their houses and look at their devices instead of speaking with one another," said our 889th respondent, 44-year-old Ryan A. Many experiences of loneliness were in direct contradiction with each other: Feeling lonely while being single; feeling lonely with a life partner. Feeling lonely for not having kids; feeling isolated and lonely by having kids. Feeling lonely because someone was working too much; feeling lonely after retirement. Feeling lonely as a caretaker; feeling lonely after a loved one is gone. Loneliness does not discriminate by age. It was omnipresent across the human experience. During my road trip, I began to daydream about transforming these written submissions into video. Could we translate your words into shareable emotions and bring them to the hearts and minds of Times viewers and across the internet? In the responses, many of you mentioned a simple gesture that could help: a phone call. So that's what we did: We called you. Dozens of you. And we recorded those phone conversations and turned them into today's Opinion Video "The Life Span of Loneliness."
We are publishing it today in the hope that as the year comes to an end, and families and friends gather, this video can act as a gentle reminder that reaching out to someone can have a profound impact. Maybe it's time to act on that automated and sometimes hollow "let's grab lunch" to that colleague you saw in the hallway. Maybe its time to answer an old email. Or maybe it's just time for you to pick up the phone and give someone a call who could use it. These simple gestures won't solve America's loneliness epidemic. But they might just help make people in your life feel less alone.
Here's what we're focusing on today:
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Thursday, December 21, 2023
Opinion Today: Loneliness is inescapable. So let’s talk about it.
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