Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Opinion Today: What happened to America? We asked 12 people in their 70s and 80s

I'm turning 25, and just learned a lot about the upside of getting older.
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By Adrian J. Rivera

Editorial Assistant, Opinion

I'm the youngest person in Opinion at The Times. But it's only a matter of time before some upstart comes along and supplants me as the department's ingénue, making me yesterday's news. I turn 25 tomorrow; the clock is ticking. My self-diagnosed, near-pathological-but-probably-just-normal fear of getting older is at a fever pitch.

So when I learned that we'd be conducting a focus group with 12 Americans ages 71 to 88, I confess to feeling a bit anxious. I worried the participants would reinforce the stereotypes about aging that I'd always heard, that remain pervasive in our culture and are frequently negative. Knowing that we'd be asking the participants about aging, ageism and their views on life in America today, I was prepared to have my apprehensions confirmed.

But I was pleasantly surprised to find that these seniors generally enjoyed being old. "I've never had it so good," said Eugene, 80. "I get to go on cruises. I get to meet other people. I have interests that make me wonder how I ever found time to work." William, 88, added: "One time, my daughter said, 'How could you have a day planner?' I said, 'I've got more stuff in it now than I ever had.'" I was most heartened to hear about second marriages, new girlfriends and even the following from Elaine, 82: "I met someone a year ago, the love of my life, at my age, and I'm having the time of my life." Of course, there were some complaints about aches and pains, but I was most struck by the fact that when we asked if people felt lonely or isolated, nobody said yes.

What it's like to age might defy generalization, and I know that this group can't speak for everyone. It's complicated. But I hope you're as heartened by their thoughts on and experiences of getting older as I was; I'd be curious to hear how their experiences mirror your own (or how they don't). I often think of a quote from one of my favorite TV characters, Corrado "Junior" Soprano, played by Dominic Chianese: "My father told me, 'never get old.' I should've listened to him."

After listening to our focus group participants, I'm glad to have different inspiration to draw on as I ponder what might be the golden years after all.

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